Wellness Matters Webinar - Empowering Parenthood: Navigating the Autism Spectrum with Confidence and Care

This psychoeducation workshop aims to empower parents with knowledge, practical strategies, and emotional support, fostering a sense of confidence and care as they navigate the unique challenges and joys of parenting a child with ASD.

Facilitated by: Candice Rockwell

FAQs

• How does autism spectrum disorder affect children and their families?

  Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that changes how a person communicates, behaves, and interacts socially. It can involve communication challenges (verbal and non-verbal), repetitive behaviours or rituals, restricted or very intense interests, and sensory differences such as being highly sensitive or under-responsive to sounds, lights, textures, or movement. Because autism is a spectrum, every autistic child is different: some may speak fluently but struggle socially, while others may be non- or minimally verbal and learn best through visuals. For families, an autism diagnosis can bring emotional impacts (grief, guilt, anxiety, adjustment), financial pressures from therapies and supports, significant time and energy demands for appointments and paperwork, and even career changes to meet caregiving needs. Social life can also be affected, as the demands of caregiving sometimes lead to isolation, which makes community support and counselling especially valuable.

• What are early signs of autism in children?

  Early signs of autism can sometimes be noticed as young as 18–24 months, although many children are diagnosed closer to age 3 or later. Parents may notice speech delays, limited or different eye contact, less interest in social engagement, repetitive movements or “stimming,” and strong reactions to sensory input such as noise, textures, or lights. Some children show very intense focus on certain toys or topics, or have difficulty with changes in routine. If you recognize a cluster of these signs in your child, the webinar encourages you to talk with your family doctor or pediatrician and ask about a developmental assessment. Early identification and intervention are linked with better outcomes, but support and strategies are helpful at any age or stage.

• What practical strategies can help parents support a child on the autism spectrum at home?

  The webinar emphasizes predictable structure, clear communication, and sensory support as key strategies. Many families find it helpful to create simple, consistent routines for meals, play, therapy, and sleep, and to use visual schedules or pictures to show what is happening next. Breaking instructions into one small step at a time (for example, “Please put the fork in the sink”) can make tasks more manageable. Supporting sensory needs might include tools like noise-cancelling headphones, weighted blankets, fidget items, favourite snacks, or a quiet “calm space.” Positive reinforcement—praising or rewarding desired behaviours—helps build skills more effectively than focusing only on problems. Planning ahead for transitions with timers, countdowns, or comfort objects, teaching safety skills at home and in the community, and steadily building independence with age-appropriate tasks (like dressing or feeding) are all practical, everyday ways to support your child.

• How can parents of autistic children cope with stress, grief, and burnout?

  Parents often experience ongoing waves of grief and loss as expectations for their child’s life shift over time—at diagnosis, during school transitions, or when supports change. The webinar encourages a self-compassion approach: notice your feelings without judging yourself, speak to yourself kindly instead of with harsh self-criticism, and remember that many other parents share similar struggles. Drawing on resilience research, it can help to accept that hard things happen, to consciously focus some of your attention on what is going well (small wins and moments of connection), and to regularly ask, “Is what I’m doing right now helping or harming me?” Seeking support through counselling, peer groups, and community resources, setting realistic goals rather than chasing perfection, and deliberately celebrating small successes—for both you and your child—can reduce burnout and strengthen your capacity to keep going over the long term.

Transcript

Hello, and welcome. My name is Nicole Imgrund, and I am the owner of Rivers Edge Counselling Centre. Welcome to our webinar this evening called Empowering Parenthood: Navigating the Autism Spectrum with Confidence and Care.

I’m going to introduce our facilitator in just a few moments, but I want to give you a little bit of information about what else is happening at Rivers Edge. This talk tonight is part of a series that we’ve had for, well, 10 years now, actually. We’ve been around 10 years, and we’ve been holding talks and webinars all through that time. We have almost a hundred of them on our website now that are recorded from previous webinars, and you’re welcome to watch any of them.

This is almost the end of our series for spring, but we do have one coming up—June 3, I believe—called Standing Up to the OCD Monster. I also just posted some of our fall topics on the website today, too, so you can take a look at what is to come. Also, we have coming up some programming for fall. We’re just about to start opening registration for that.

One of them—if you’ve joined this talk today—you’ll be particularly interested in: Candice, our facilitator today, is doing a workshop called Strengthening Skills, Strategies, and Supports for Parents of Children on the Autism Spectrum, so that will build out a little bit more on the information and skills that she’s going to talk about today.

We have a really diverse set of topics for fall for all of our programs. We have an adult and a child grief program. We have one called The Compassionate Road to Building Self-Esteem, a six-week group. Getting Through the Tough Stuff, a workshop for supporting children and teens through self-harm and other disclosures. We have one called Embodied Stress Management. We have a men’s group, a teen wellness group— a little something for everyone—so I encourage you to check that out on our website.

To share with you now a little bit about our presenter, Candice Rockwell: Candice has a bit of an unusual educational and work background for somebody in therapy now. She has an undergraduate degree in biochemistry, which fostered an interest for her in whole-body systems and concepts of regulation and dysregulation, which now inform her practice of counselling as well. She recently completed a master’s degree in counselling psychology from Yorkville—congratulations, Candice, such a big milestone—and she is a practicum student at Rivers Edge Counselling. She’s been with us since September. She’s got a few months left, and then I’m really happy to share with you that she will be staying on—soon to be a provisional psychologist with us at Rivers Edge in the fall as well.

Candice believes in the essential and transformative power of understanding an individual’s unique perspective, and this forms the foundation of her counselling approach, which aims to provide tailored support that resonates with her clients’ specific needs. Candice always strives to create a safe and inclusive space where individuals can feel respected, valued, and empowered to embrace their authentic selves. Operating from a holistic perspective, she works to understand the connections between the physical, the mental, and emotional aspects of her clients’ lives to provide well-rounded and collaborative support for them. She draws on evidence-based therapeutic approaches, and she personalizes interventions to empower navigation through life’s complexities in a way that is meaningful for each of her clients.

We’re very fortunate to have her on our team, and very fortunate to have her share her experience and expertise with us tonight as well.

As you can see, this is a webinar format, so those of you attending don’t have access to the camera or mic, but you can make comments in the chat, and I’ll keep my eye on that in case there are any technical questions you have along the way. Candice’s presentation will take us almost to the top of the hour, but there should be a few minutes for questions at the end as well. So with that, I’m going to say goodbye for now and turn it over to you, Candice.

Oh, I want to say one more thing—I always forget—one more: so you’re not furiously taking down notes in the presentation, because I know she’s sharing a lot of good stuff with us, I will post in the next couple of days the video to the website, as well as the presentation and the resources. So you’ll have that available to you as well.

Okay, thank you very much, Nicole. Well, I welcome everyone, and I really just want to say thank you so much for joining me this evening. I’m really excited, obviously, to share. It’s a massive topic. I’ve already seen a few things pop up that—you know—it is a spectrum in and of itself, and it touches on so many different people, and each of our experiences are so unique and different.

I say that in first person, as I am not neurodivergent myself, but I’m a parent of a neurodivergent kiddo. My youngest child—she is not functionally verbal—and she has autism and also ADHD as well. So really, my direction into this work, and what I’m bringing to the table, was really inspired, like I said, bringing my professional experience with my personal journey as a parent. And yeah, I’m hoping tonight that you can find something in here that, like I said, is helpful to you and that you can find useful.

I just want to make sure that, yeah, we—like I said—just kind of work with me and come along with me on this journey.

So, as it says, I kind of bit a giant topic here: empowering parenthood. And really, I do hope tonight to leave you with a greater sense of how to continue—if you’re already on this journey—how to continue navigating the autism spectrum with, like I said, a little more confidence, and certainly with care for yourself and whomever you’re taking care of.

General goals tonight were to, you know, I want to spend the first few slides here just getting on the same page so that we have a general shared understanding of what autism spectrum disorder is. Then we’re going to get into some emotional supports and resources to support the well-being of your child as well as yourself. And then, you know, at the tail end there, I will also include some practical strategies with some tips and techniques. For some of you, this will cover ground you already know, but for some of you, perhaps it’s the first time you’ve heard this.

So, kind of just to make sure we’re all operating on the same page: what is autism spectrum disorder? It’s a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how an individual communicates, behaves, and interacts socially. Characteristics that define it include communication challenges, and those can be both verbal and non-verbal; repetitive behaviors, which can include engaging in repetitive actions or rituals; restricted interests, sometimes hyperfixation or intense focus on specific topics or activities; and also important to consider is sensory sensitivities, with individuals sometimes skewing as either over- or under-reactive to sensory input. Sometimes you may hear a hyposensitive profile or a hypersensitive profile.

Foundational to today’s talk, I just really want to bring into the space the importance of empathy—both for yourself, for others, and for your child—and really empathy rooted in a seek to understand the unique experience of each individual. So certainly your child’s unique experience and challenges, as well as yourself as a parent. Those are really foundational for compassionate caregiving.

Some quick stats: you hear different numbers thrown out. I know the CDC in the States—the numbers are a little bit lower. I’ve seen, you know, one in 35 being reported recently in the United States. With the Government of Canada, in October they reported one in 50. Fifty children diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder in Canada. Currently they are finding that males are diagnosed four times more frequently than females.

I wanted to touch on, too, you know, that today’s talk—it does have early interventions, diagnosis, and interventions on here, but I do broaden the talk out a little bit as well. We’ll get to that, where I’m trying to recognize the various stages, because it is different, you know, if you’re dealing with young children and you’re on the beginning of that journey; if you’re into adolescence; if you’re into adulthood; and certainly if you’re dealing with a child that has lifelong care needs.

This skew is pretty low, but they do say that the research is finding that autism can be detected as early as 18 months, and under the right conditions, there can be diagnoses made as early as age 2. I would say, in general, though, that is very much on the low end of things. I would say the general early diagnosis age is more 3 plus. But depending on the child—if they hit certain milestones or certain developmental milestones—like I said, some diagnoses are successfully made by age 2. Actually, that was my personal journey with my daughter as well. She was very early. In general, research has shown that early identification and interventions correlate with improved outcomes.

Now, impact on parents and families—and this is the piece that I personally found quite lacking in my family’s experience—so I wanted to touch on, right here, the emotional impact. It is a significant emotional event when your child receives a diagnosis, and many parents, I think, go through a period of adjustment, and that is certainly to be expected. Trying to come to terms with your new reality and the expectations and the realities of where things have shifted and what you’re dealing with: feelings of grief, guilt, anxiety certainly can be prevalent. Not saying that happens for everyone, but it does happen quite a bit.

Financial impact: it varies in Canada a little bit different with public health care, but even so, for those of you trying to work through government programming—until you can get contracts in place, let’s say with Children’s Disability Services in Alberta—many families and many parents are left trying to bridge the gap, using personal insurance and trying to cover off any of those deficits or any of those additional services. So there’s certainly a financial impact with the cost of therapies, any sort of specialized care, medical care, and/or education that your child may need.

Time and energy: managing all of that—the coordination, the application, the meetings, the appointments—then getting into the therapy and the therapeutic processes and all the interventions, trying to implement those on a daily, weekly basis. To say that it’s a significant investment in time is an understatement.

I’m going to touch on, too, career impact. I can personally attest to that, but trying to meet the demand sometimes of therapies—when the timings of therapies work—and different appointments can strain a family. You may need to adjust work schedules, or you may need to leave a job altogether, depending if you have other children to care for as well. There are a multitude of factors that really can make this quite a complex situation to manage, and that obviously financially impacts family income and career progression for parents themselves.

Then social impacts: families—it can be a very isolating experience due to the demands of caregiving and the challenges of navigating social situations. Broadly speaking, it has such a massive impact across a parent’s life that, in many ways, has a sustained impact throughout the parenting journey. There’s not really an end in sight, so to speak.

I want to touch on, as well, again being respectful in this space: you will hear and certainly see in this presentation that there’s person-first language being used, and I just want to acknowledge that I respect that, depending on how people choose to phrase. Certainly, I’ve worked with neurodivergent individuals who prefer—or people with autism who prefer—to call themselves autistic individuals as opposed to individuals with autism. So I just want to bring that into the space: there can be semantics and terminology, and I really want to encourage people to use what works for you and what feels most respectful for yourself and for your child, and to honor that with your children as well.

Because it is a spectrum, and we’re all probably sitting in this space with—actually, there’s an autism researcher who has autism himself; he’s autistic—Dr. Stephen Shaw, and many of you may have heard of him. I saw him speak a number of years ago, and he had one of my favorite quotes. He said, “If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.” And I think that really speaks to the uniqueness and recognizing that each individual has unique strengths and challenges.

So I have on here: every child, every individual with autism is different and unique. Some may have strong verbal skills but struggle with social interaction; others may be non-verbal or not functionally verbal but excel at visual learning. I think the critical thing in here, as a parent and anyone who’s supporting individuals on the spectrum, is to recognize and celebrate strengths. That really is foundational to my talk tonight as well. Following along with some of the great gifts or the great strengths that your child has, that can really help you—like I said—you can kind of use that as a path as well, sometimes, in helping develop additional skills.

And so then, getting into—as I said—I do want to touch on: there’s different ages and developmental stages. This is a generalization, but I still do want to speak to it. More on the early end of things when we’re dealing with children, top of mind is that early intervention piece. Early signs include speech delays, differences in eye contact or social engagement, and sometimes those repetitive behaviors. Sometimes you’ll see some of that physical stimming showing up at this stage. As I said, the research says early interventions are very beneficial.

Impact on parents: navigating early diagnosis and interventions can be—and I would say almost most definitely is—overwhelming. Trying to seek information, coordinate, and navigate your way through this, it’s a lot.

Adolescence: again, I’m really clumping things together here, but generally speaking, puberty hits, and that shifts things as well. It can shift social dynamics and introduce new challenges. This is certainly a phase in life where you’re generally looking at supporting transitions towards more independence and social interactions. It’s kind of a hallmark of this stage of life. Impact on parents: even more so than—I think the teenage years are just stressful in general for any parent—and trying to support that independence and develop that independence with your child can be incredibly difficult to balance. Trying to allow them to take on new responsibilities and give them a little more space, while also trying to protect them and take care of them and keep them safe.

Into adulthood: when your child shifts out of school age, I’ve had many conversations where that creates a whole other challenge. Depending again on a person’s experience on the spectrum, you may see challenges shift towards employment, maybe movement towards independent or quasi-independent living, and those additional social relationships. Access to vocational training and jobs and adult services can help in here as well.

Again, I hope you’re kind of—I’m trying to draw this down the middle because, depending on individual functionality, their cognitive capacities, and where they’re at, I mean, like I said—Dr. Stephen Shaw—you have individuals that may need 24-hour care. So it is very broad. Again, I just want to premise that.

Impact again on parents: supporting an adult with autism can involve continual advocacy—advocating for employment opportunities and housing, advocating for programs, trying to find programming. We’re living in the Edmonton area—I’m in St. Albert, but in the capital region—so we’re fortunate that we do have hubs and many services physically available, but when you move outside of the bigger centers, it can be very challenging to try to find different services and groups and the availability of that. So geographically, there can be a lot of impact on that in regards to accessibility of services. Again, at this stage of the game, as parents age, this is very time-consuming and emotionally and financially taxing, so I just want to acknowledge that.

Then, as I touched on, bringing into the space the reality that for some individuals, lifelong supports will be needed: 24-hour care. Some individuals may never live independently. So trying to plan for long-term care and support structures—that sort of legacy longevity planning—is incredibly important to consider. That can include legal guardianship and financial planning to ensure your child’s well-being. That again creates additional emotional and financial stress and requires another level of resourcing and planning that perhaps, you know, in general as a parent, you think to launch your children into the world in adulthood. So just planning for not having them necessarily launch independently—or as independently as possible—but trying to figure out how to do that while they’re supported to the end of their lives in a way that is supportive of all of their needs.

So, kind of talking about some common challenges—I’m sure many of you here can look at this slide and go, “Yeah.” Right off the bat: levels of support. There’s so much variation—variation in the sense of where your child is at, and also variation in the services that are available. As a parent, you have to continually assess and adjust the level of support needed for your child. Again, very demanding and time-consuming.

Grief and loss: it’s not a singular event. I think grief and loss moves through this process as a parent in the sense that with every—when you receive the diagnosis, you may have the feelings of grief and loss, but also throughout life, anytime there’s kind of an event where there’s a separation or demarcation from where your hopes and dreams were for your child versus where things are actually heading, you try to work to reconcile that moment. So there’s a little bit of loss at each one of those junctures, and grief. Again, it’s important to acknowledge the impact on parents that this happens and that it can happen continually. It’s important to process these feelings and acknowledge these feelings, and talking to friends—sometimes counselling or support groups—can be really helpful to help kind of normalize and validate this experience.

Safety concerns: elopement, wandering—legitimately physical safety concerns for your child’s well-being. Children with autism—individuals—can be prone to wandering or elopement, which obviously leads to safety concerns, especially when coupled with communication challenges. Parents need to implement safety measures at home and in the community, and that’s an additional level of stress and anxiety that can be a continual presence on the parenting journey.

I touched on already a little bit around that isolation: there are social impacts. The demands of caregiving can lead to social isolation for a parent. It can be really difficult to maintain relationships and social activities. Again, it becomes really important to try to build a support network and seek out resources that can help to counterbalance this.

Other challenges: I wanted to make sure I touch on sleep. Many individuals with autism spectrum disorder have difficulty falling or staying asleep, so obviously impacting the child, but also impacting the parent. Sleep is critical and can really impair overall health and well-being.

Likewise, eating challenges: some individuals have selective eating and really restrictive eating habits or sensory aversions to certain foods. Again, that can really be taxing and stressful and time-consuming when it comes to meal planning and trying to ensure your child is getting what they need. It requires continual creativity and patience.

Managing transitions: difficulty with change. Children with autism may struggle with transitions and changes in routine, and that requires an additional level of planning to manage transitions carefully. It can take quite a bit of extra time and effort, and even then it doesn’t always work out.

And then, touching on sensory profiles: regulation and sensory profiles. I really think it’s important to understand the role that they can play in underlying challenges. Sensory sensitivities, as I touched on earlier: individuals can have heightened or diminished sensitivity to sensory input. So it can show up as really sensitive with clothing, temperature, lights, sounds—or it can go the other direction, where they require input. There’s not a lot that’s kind of tripping their system, so they’re seeking sensory input. I think again the impact on parents is understanding and accommodating these sensory needs is so critical. That can be incredibly challenging, but if you can sort of dial it in a little bit, it really helps and is critically important to support your child’s comfort and well-being.

Then, touching again on language and communication challenges: communication barriers. Many individuals with autism can struggle with verbal and non-verbal communication, so some of those social cues—generalization. Generalization being, you know, just going, “Oh, a smile is a smile,” versus taking them as individual snapshots. Depending on an individual’s ability to generalize—and then, like I said, if they have additional, like maybe motor planning challenges and other situations going on, or fine motor difficulties—it really can create a lot of challenge around that communication piece.

Impact: needing to understand your child’s communication capacities, and then may need to learn alternatives, which can include picture exchange systems or augmentative and alternative communication—AACs—or PECS, and different systems like that.

So I touched on empathy before. I really do think it’s—and I want to take a moment here to really emphasize the importance of fostering empathy for your child and for yourself.

In regards to your child: seek to understand your child’s perspective. I think empathy exercises can be really helpful, where you try to engage in activities that help you see the world through your child’s eyes. An example could be if your child has a noise sensitivity or uses noise-cancelling headphones, being in a really busy space and trying to put some on yourself. You obviously can’t walk in their shoes exactly, but it can be really powerful and helpful to try to walk in their shoes, so to speak—to try to see how things feel, what works for them, and get your own take on what that does.

Observation: I think this is so important. It seems simple, but I just think it really is so important to spend time observing your child’s behavior and responses to different situations. Just watching, seeing what they do, seeing how they interact, seeing what their physical movements are with different things that are going on in their environment. Focusing on observing can really give you quite a bit of insight and understanding your child’s perspective.

Ask questions: as a parent of a nonverbal child, I still think it’s really important to ask questions, and accept non-verbal communication responses. Encouraging your child to express their feelings and thoughts—whatever that looks like—and then really getting curious about that. Getting curious about what they give you, and then getting curious about what you think that means. You could never really know completely what it means, but you can try to bridge that gap a little bit with that empathy and that empathic perspective.

Acknowledging struggles: I think that’s just a basis for humanity—recognizing the challenges they face on a daily basis, from sensory overloads to communication difficulties, and acknowledging that struggle. Validate their feelings, show that you understand or are trying to understand and accept their emotions. I really wanted to add this part: even when they are difficult or intense. Validating difficult and intense emotions can be some of the most important things we can do because it is uncomfortable, but being human can be uncomfortable. I think really showing empathy is when we are able to absorb not just the good, but also the difficult. That’s kind of in the human experience.

Be patient and supportive: as best as possible, offer support and patience as they navigate the world.

Now, perspectives as a parent: understanding your perspective as a parent. I think it’s really important for parents to ask themselves: what are your views of disability? Reflecting on your personal and maybe social or kind of ingrained views, or what you grew up with, or what language or how things were viewed, are really important to at least acknowledge and spend a moment to get curious about, because it really can impact how we view disability, and it impacts our parental approach. Sometimes a lot of grief and loss and a lot of complex feelings can be connected to these deeper perspectives—maybe fears, anxieties around our views of disability and cultural expectations.

Cultural expectations: consider how cultural norms and expectations may influence your feelings and decisions regarding your child’s care. Having that personal self-reflection piece can be so critical and helpful to understand your position as a parent and why you feel what you feel and think what you think.

Parental identity: it does impact your identity as a parent. Having a child—any child—and then a child with autism. Acknowledge how your identity as a parent has evolved in the context of raising a child with autism. For many people, you can reflect back and you can really see it, and depending on if you’re parent to multiple children—maybe neurodivergent and neurotypical—it can be, you know, there’s a reflection piece as your identity as a parent comes into play.

And then that empathy piece again for yourself: self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you offer your child or your best friend in a tough time. It can be such a hard journey, and we feel so much pressure as parents, so trying to introduce a bit of kindness into the journey is so important. Acknowledge your efforts: recognize the hard work and the dedication you put into caring for your child. Sometimes it can feel so daunting and overwhelming, and how important it is that we stop and acknowledge the continual work and dedication it takes.

Seeking support: it’s okay to need help. It’s okay to seek out help. A lot of times parents are so busy finding help for their children, but they don’t spend any time finding help for themselves.

Ways to practice self-compassion: nurture yourself as you care for your child. We’ve all heard “you can’t pour from an empty cup,” and it is true. This is based on the work of Dr. Kristin Neff. She has an extensive experience in self-compassion and a lot of resources, and I’ll be offering those at the end.

Just touching on three key points here: self-kindness versus self-judgment. Be gentle and understanding versus harsh and critical. As a parent, when you’re facing parenting challenges, try to replace self-criticism with supportive and caring self-talk. That can be like, “Oh, I didn’t get anything right today,” to “I did the best I could today with what I had.” Just a simple rephrase.

Common humanity versus isolation: recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacies can be part of the shared human experience. Understanding that there are others that may share the struggle or similar struggles, and you’re not alone. Yes, it’s a spectrum, yes, everybody walks a unique path, but there can be a shared experience in there. Understanding that you’re not alone can be really important for self-compassion.

Mindfulness: and it may be interesting when you see I talk about over-identification. Mindfulness is being in the present moment, understanding where you’re at. But sometimes, if you’re panicked, really anxious, really upset, there are limitations to mindfulness. Sometimes it can kind of make things a little bit worse. So all this means is use it as taking a break and bringing yourself into the present moment, but not in a time that maybe it would make things worse for you. It’s about trying to balance your emotions and allowing yourself to feel them, but you don’t want to be overwhelmed by them. Staying present: don’t let how you feel define who you are. It’s a feeling that you’re having. It’s not who you are. Trying to foster that perspective and let them flow through you with kindness.

Acknowledge challenges: reality check. Accept that parenting a child with autism is uniquely challenging, and it is okay—and to be expected—to feel overwhelmed.

Embrace imperfections: understand that perfection is not the goal; doing your best is.

Celebrate the successes: small wins matter. Recognize and celebrate small achievements—both yours and your child’s. That might be as simple as your kiddo managed to grab a spoon out of the drawer and sat down to eat their yogurt, or they put their shoes on by themselves—maybe on the wrong feet—but they put their shoes on by themselves at the back door before they went out the door. It’s all worth acknowledging.

A lot of this journey, when you’re advocating for resources, it’s a deficits-based conversation. You are continually trying to prove your child’s need for services, and by doing so, you have to focus on all the things they are lacking. When we continually focus on all the deficits of our children, it’s overwhelming and negatively overwhelming. That’s where that counterbalance—to celebrate successes, big and small—is important, and reflecting on progress can be so important. That reflection piece, especially in times when you maybe are feeling pretty low—taking time to reflect on, you know, we’ve traveled some ground and we’re still going.

Self-kindness: positive self-talk. Try to replace self-criticism with positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your strengths and successes. You can be like, “I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got,” or even if you’re thinking in the past: “I was doing the best I could with what I knew then.” Sometimes, when we think in hindsight, we can be pretty judgmental about ourselves, especially depending on our journey diagnosing our child if it took a little bit longer. So that positive self-talk and positive affirmations is so important.

Gentle treatment: reminder to treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer your child, or someone else in a similar position.

Seeking that balance: prioritizing self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Ensure you make time for activities that replenish your energy and your well-being.

Set realistic goals: create manageable goals for yourself and your child. Avoid the pressure of unrealistic expectations. Consider if you have a lot on your plate, and let’s say you’re trying out a new medication or new strategy, or you’re doing toilet training: it’s worth considering when you want to take those things on, because it’s going to take more time and resourcing. Considering your bandwidth is so important, and that’s okay. Also your kiddo: if you want to start toilet training and they come down with a cold, it might not be the best time. You might need to wait. Making things manageable and considering your needs and balancing—especially if you’re dealing with multiple pressures and expectations—having some of that balance is more than okay; it’s critical.

Into resilience: this is also based on the work of Dr. Lucy Hone, who is a top researcher in resilience based out of New Zealand. She also gets into grief and loss work extensively. She has some really interesting things I just wanted to touch on. She’s honed down the cornerstones of resilience to three factors.

The first: accepting that bad things happen—that being human means life’s going to have ups and downs—and understanding and recognizing that adversity is part of the human experience. We will feel overwhelmed, and the more we can acknowledge it will help us manage them a little bit more. By accepting the challenges associated with raising a child, parents can reduce feelings of frustration and helplessness. It’s an acceptance piece, and that can be helpful in reframing your perspective to more of a proactive and solution-focused mindset rather than a deficits mindset. It can be a critical shift.

Second: choose where to focus your attention. She says resilient individuals focus on aspects of life they can control and bring them joy rather than dwelling on negative events. This practice of gratitude and finding positive elements even in difficult situations: it’s an active muscle you have to practice and work at. But it’s making choices, and the thing I like about this is there’s a level of empowerment here. You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond to it and what you do with it.

Parents can enhance their resilience by shifting their focus to their child’s progress, celebrating small victories, and appreciating moments of joy and connection.

Third: acknowledging whether your actions are helpful or harmful to yourself. Is what you’re doing going to be helpful to you, or is it not? If you’re dwelling on something and it’s bringing your mood down and you’re sinking, maybe try to step off that track. She says resilient individuals regularly evaluate their behaviors and their thoughts and consider whether they’re helpful or harmful. That self-awareness helps them make a choice about their well-being and their growth. Again: you can’t control what happens to you, but you control what you do with it.

Impact on parents: building resilience by reflecting on their responses to stress and challenges, ensuring your actions and attitudes are supportive and nurturing, both for yourself as a parent and your child.

Some quick strategies here: adaptive coping strategies.

Problem-solving skills: teach and model effective problem-solving skills. The really nice thing about some of this is if you implement it for yourself, it can be actionable and you can model it for your child as well. It’s beneficial for you, it can be beneficial for them, and it can help you together develop coping strategies.

Stress management: practice stress-reducing activities like deep breathing, mindfulness, physical exercise—or maybe it’s art, maybe it’s music, creating music, listening to music. There’s a lot of different things, but fostering different adaptive strategies can be helpful.

Finding the joy in the small victories: celebrate those milestones, acknowledge them, no matter how small.

Positive outlook: focus on the positives and help cultivate that more hopeful perspective.

Strengthening social support networks: this can be difficult, but in today’s day and age we also have a lot of online resourcing as well, and that can help bridge the gap, especially if we’re not geographically in an urban setting. Connecting with others: build relationships with parents and caregivers who understand your experience. It’s helpful when people just get it. Community resources: look to see what’s available for both you and your child.

Independence: foster independence skills that are appropriate for their age and their abilities. Those might decouple from their chronological peers, but you still want to continually think about skill development and those independence pieces. Maybe it’s their ability to put on socks by themselves.

Empowerment: parents advocating is important, but it’s also critically important to foster self-advocacy and empowerment within your child. Nurturing that in the home can be as simple as honoring the choices your child makes. Maybe it’s snack time and you give them an option between a banana and an apple, and they pick the apple, and you say, “Okay.” Trying to let them have those choices and then following through with those moments can be empowering for them, and it also is an independent skill.

Creating routines: importance of structure. Consistent routines help provide a sense of security and predictability, and it can reduce anxiety in general and certainly in individuals with autism. Use visual schedules, keep routine simple, include regular times, consistency in meals, therapy, play, and sleep.

Communication techniques: visual aids. You may want to use pictures, symbols, or written words to communicate schedules, tasks, and choices. Depending on your child’s capacity, using different visual aids along with language can help them foster the ability to generalize. They see an actual strawberry, they see a picture of a strawberry, they see a cartoon of a strawberry, and they’re able to go, “Those are strawberries.” That’s generalizing. So we can use visual aids and tools to help foster that capacity.

Simplified language: use clear, concise, and direct language. Sometimes break things into simple steps. Speak one step at a time. Don’t layer steps. Don’t go, “Do this, this, that.” Just go, “I would like you to put the fork in the sink.” Keep it simple, and then build on that, adjusting depending on the age and development of your child.

Positive reinforcement: I’m a strength-based person, and I really think positive rewards and reward systems are so important. Create whatever system works for you, but create a reward to encourage desired behaviors. Foster the positive and create more of it. Be consistent with that, so you apply reinforcement consistently to help your child understand the connection.

Consistent consequences: set boundaries. Clearly define what is okay behavior and the consequences for not following through. That might be: “No, you do have to wear pants when we go out in public, and you have to keep your pants on.” Be consistent in reinforcing that.

Safety measures: home safety. Scan your home for potentially dangerous items or locations. Consider alarms on doors and/or windows, even internally in your home, maybe your child’s room, to keep them safe and secure. Community safety: teach your child about safety in public spaces. Consider having an identity tag or bracelet, and develop a safety plan for outings.

Managing transitions: consider using a favorite object that can provide comfort. That can support an individual through a transition from one activity to the next, or out of a preferred activity. Timers and countdowns: using visual or auditory timers can help prepare an individual for transitions. You may need to repeat yourself as well, but being consistent helps them understand what’s coming and what’s expected.

Regulation techniques: sensory tools. It can be helpful—essential—to understand sensory sensitivities. You may want to incorporate preferred items: weighted blankets, fidget toys, noise-cancelling headphones, snacks, just different likable items. You can keep those on hand. Calm-down strategies: within your home, you may want to create a quiet space and practice some relaxation techniques with your child. You can do it together. Some breathing exercises can be really helpful.

So, the conclusion of all of this is: I know I just threw a lot at you. I was trying to put as many things, but also be respectful of everyone’s time. But I really hope everyone in this room, or kind of online here tonight, can remember: you’re not alone, and that there is a vast community. The numbers speak for themselves. For every one of those children, how many people are loving and surrounding them. It’s a huge community of parents, caregivers, and professionals that understand—or understand elements of it—and are certainly wanting and ready and willing to support you and your child on this journey.

It’s a lifelong journey. Strength and knowledge: I really wholeheartedly believe in that—that with understanding and perseverance—in my house, I might be described more as stubborn—but perseverance, you can make a meaningful difference. You already do make a meaningful difference in your child’s life. But that seek to understand, that empathy, and really trying to get into their perspective, and then trying to understand the impacts—there’s so much strength in that. It can be empowering for yourself as a parent and foundational for those compassionate pieces.

I’m going to say it again: celebrate the progress. Because so much of this journey is spent on deficits. We as parents spend so much time talking about what our child can’t do, what they need, what their challenges are. It’s important and it’s critical and it’s part of getting supports, but it’s heart-wrenching. So counterbalance it, and be mindful to counterbalance it.

When you do have a big meeting coming up, or one of those conversations where you have to run over it yet again and go through all the challenges yet again, I’m all about planning and kind of sandwiching it. Think about self-care before it, and then self-care coming out of it, and really try to create a compassionate sandwich for yourself when you know those events are going to be hard.

Celebrate the progress you and your child make, no matter how small. Each step forward is a testament to your resilience and dedication. So with that, thank you so much.

Thank you so much, Candice. What a wonderful presentation. There’s so much I’m taking from it, but I love that you left us with the—was it compassion? Yeah. Nice. Just for life in general.

We have just five minutes for questions, but I do want to say goodbye to those of you who aren’t able to stay those extra five minutes, and thank you for joining us this evening. I hope you’ll join us again sometime soon.